So, what's your excuse?
Well, in my defense, crazy runs rampant in the family. In addition, the moon was full, the wolf intrigued the heck out of me, and y'all knew better than to leave me unsupervised. So, basically, I'm the victim here... wouldn't you agree?
I wasn't lost, and so often, I certainly didn't want to be found!
The first time I ran away, was the summer I was 14. I slept in my boyfriend's car. He parked it a bean field, hidden by a row of trees down a rarely traveled country road. His friend would bring us left-over food that his mom had cooked every day. We managed to stay hidden for a week before they finally found us. I was so scared to go back home. I knew I was in for the beating of my life! I was wrong. I trembled as Dad ran toward me. I was shocked when he picked me up and hugged me instead! After that, home life was a little better for a while. Life with a schizophrenic mother has its minute to minute ups and downs, you know.
Sadly, it turns out, things only got worse...
THE PLAN:
You got a Fast Car
I want a ticket to anywhere
Maybe we make a deal
Maybe together we can get somewhere
Anyplace is better
Starting from zero got nothing to lose
Maybe we'll make something
Me, myself I got nothing to prove - (Tracy Chapman)
I want a ticket to anywhere
Maybe we make a deal
Maybe together we can get somewhere
Anyplace is better
Starting from zero got nothing to lose
Maybe we'll make something
Me, myself I got nothing to prove - (Tracy Chapman)
Fast forward to my sophomore year: Life was unbearable at home. I became Cinderella on Mondays, because apparently the every damn weekend Child Labor just wasn't enough for Mom. Dad managed to somehow convince the school to excuse my absence EVERY Monday that school year due to a personal family hardship. Dad told them Mom was extremely ill. The truth of the matter was that physically she was healthy as a horse- she was able to do what she wanted, when she wanted to do it. I diagnosed her with a severe case of laziness, plus a love for being legally stoned, compounded by a "you wouldn't believe it if you didn't see it" type of bat-shit crazy... So on the last day of school I took a bag I had packed the night before with me. I knew Mom wouldn't notice, because she was never awake when I left for school...
After school, my boyfriend picked me up, and we headed to West Virginia to get married, because I knew my homelife wouldn't change.. not for the better, anyway. And my grades at school were really suffering as well, because I wasn't permitted enough time when I got home at night to do my Monday make-up homework, you know... because household chores were much more important than an education. So, anyway- off we headed! Someone had told my boyfriend there was someone in West Virginia who made fake ID's that looked authentic.... Well, that didn't pan out,,, So, back home we headed... That seemed like the longest trip of my life. The fear and dread was absolutely agonizing... But, when I got there Dad was waiting with arms wide open... again! Between Mom's mental illness and my trying so hard to escape it, my poor father went through his own personal hell. That is why he will always be my hero. He didn't have Mom institutionalized, or walk away like most men would have. But I'm not that strong... I just couldn't take it... and the same rings true today. It would take a special man to deal with me... and I don't see him finding me. And I'm okay with that!
